Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
