His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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