Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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