I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
