Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
