I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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