I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
