I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize