Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
