Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
