I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
