gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
