You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just come out here and I will go home with you...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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