i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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