Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I died a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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