I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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