Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
