5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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