just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
