new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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