I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
