Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
