So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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