Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
