i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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