im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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