you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
