He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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