ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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