I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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