I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
