pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
