U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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