But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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