tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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