plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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