I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
