Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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