i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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