I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
