just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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