you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
