God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
