margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
