Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
