If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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