I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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