what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
