Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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