If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
