So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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