if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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