wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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