Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
