I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
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If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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