i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
