It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
