i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
