sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
