i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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