I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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