I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
