Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
