Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.