Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.