I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
