That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
