It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
