So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
