Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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