the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
