Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
