I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
