Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the day after is always just damage control
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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