Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
